


Bishoujo Senshi Hagane no Renkinjutsushi

by momotastic



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Magical Girls, Alternate Universe - Sailor Moon Fusion, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 11:13:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11401350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momotastic/pseuds/momotastic
Summary: “Alchemical Earth Power Make-Up!”A second later, Ed feels himself being lifted into the air and stripped of his clothes.





	Bishoujo Senshi Hagane no Renkinjutsushi

**Author's Note:**

> This is almost entirely [tierfal's](http://tierfal.tumblr.com/post/162481210923/in-the-name-of-nicholas-flamel-i-will-kick-your) fault. She previewed the magical girl!Ed cosplay on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/BUYXZFYhASj/) a couple of months ago, and since I'm a huge fan of Sailor Moon my brain just... couldn't let the idea go.
> 
> Ed is not entirely in character, lbr, but then again, he DOES transform into a magical girl so ... you know.  
> Many thanks to [Batsutousai](archiveofourown.org/users/Batsutousai/) for beta-ing this thing. Your input has been greatly appreciated!
> 
> I wrote this out of love for both FMA and the entire magical girl genre. It just so happens, that I show my love by making well-meaning jokes about how ridiculous some aspects of it are.
> 
>  
> 
> **If this story offends your gender identity, please come talk to me. I don't intend to offend anyone, but as we all know, intention means fuck all when you've hurt someone.**

Ed had known that this was part of becoming a State Alchemist. He’s known that he’d have to go through the whole thing no matter if he actually needs it to perform powerful alchemy or not. It’s ridiculous that a change of status and title would bring about a change in how much energy he’s got at his disposal.

And yet he’d signed up willingly for this so he could get access to the State Alchemist’s resources, like research funds and the library.

Mustang said that he should look at it as equivalent exchange, and that, on top of it all, his alchemical powers would be enhanced.

The thing is, though, that Ed doesn’t need his alchemy enhanced. He’s already one of the most powerful alchemists on the damn planet. He’s seen the Gate and Truth, and had performed a human transmutation at age twelve.

He’s also lived to regret it.

So, yeah, Ed’s more powerful than any of the other alchemists he’s ever met, except for Teacher and Al, and probably Hohenheim – best not to think of that bastard though.

The point is, he shouldn’t have to go through this, this… _farce_ every time he wants to perform alchemy during a fight.

He’s tried to just not do it, but it’s like the damn military brainwashed him, and now he shouts the formula – he will _not_ call it a spell, there’s no such thing as fucking magic – without conscious thought the second he considers using his alchemy for anything other than research.

Somewhere in another dimension, Truth is probably laughing its incorporeal ass off. Fucking asswipe.

It’s fucking infuriating, is what it is, and it’s caused Ed to hesitate more than once before throwing himself into a fight. Needless to say that Al actually approves of that part. And, to be fair, he has been good about not laughing at Ed too much when he’s transformed. For one thing, Winry and Teacher – and probably Hawkeye, too – would have his ~~head~~ helmet if he ever dared to imply that Ed’s outfit was anything like shameful. For another, once they got over the shock, a bunch of people have said that it kind of suits Ed. (Ed agrees, but he'll argue loudly that it's still a damn military uniform and he _doesn't_ want to wear one, fuck you very much.)

But yeah, it's not that Ed cares about what other people think of how he looks. He wears his clothes – his regular clothes, thanks – because they’re convenient and comfortable, not because it just so happens that he looks good in them.

(However, he acknowledges that he _does_ look good in them. He particularly enjoys catching people off-guard who spend too much time staring at his ass in the leather pants. Mustang, for example.)

Either way, Ed doesn’t throw himself into an alchemical fight as recklessly anymore. He still uses his fists whenever he can, though, and his supreme acrobatic skills – Teacher didn’t train them in hand to hand combat for nothing, after all. And sometimes, on extremely rare occasions, he manages to complete a transmutation in the middle of a fight before whatever higher power that's controlling him now that he’s a State Alchemist can catch up and make him turn into… well. A uniformed soldier.

Today, however, is not the day on which he can talk his way out of a corner, nor when hand to hand combat is going to do him any good, so Ed shouts the ~~spell~~ formula before he can reconsider.

“Alchemical Earth Power Make-Up!”

A second later, he feels himself being lifted into the air and stripped of his clothes.

(The first time this happened, he’d freaked once he was back on the ground, but Al had assured him that Ed got caught in a glittering vortex, and anyone watching him couldn’t actually see what’s happening inside.)

A tight bodice wraps around his torso. It’s not as comfortable as the tank top Ed prefers, but at least it’s black with Flamel’s cross emblazoned on the back in bright red, the same colour as his coat. The bodice also allows for a surprising range of motion and doesn’t hinder Ed’s flexibility in any way, which is really all Ed could ask for.

Ed supposes it wouldn’t even look all that terrible – if it weren’t for the ridiculous golden bow on his chest. _That_ , Ed could do without, but even if he rips it off, it always comes back the next time he transforms, so he just doesn’t bother anymore.

He raises his arms to cross them in front of his face, and the white elbow-length gloves appear. It looks silly on his right arm, and the glove never stays in one piece because Ed regularly transmutes a blade on his arm, but try telling that to whatever divine bullshit’s at work here.

The boots come after that, and at least they’re practical combat boots, much like the ones he normally wears, only a slightly slimmer fit. They have a bit more heel than what he usually wears, and Ed actually likes that it gives him two more inches in height. Not that he’s short, you understand. It’s just nice that with the boots, he’s two inches closer to clocking Mustang in the face without too much strain.

They’re not _heel heels_ , though, for which he’s grateful, because while it’s kinda awesome to be able to stab someone with your shoe, Ed doubts he’d be able to walk on anything other than solid plateaus – unlike Mustang who never loses his swagger even in knee high stiletto boots (and who _has_ stabbed multiple someones with them).

Last is the skirt, which is the bit that Ed secretly likes the most. It affords a surprising range of motion, is made of pleated black leather, and comes with a wide studded belt – which automatically makes it cool – and another golden bow at the back. (Since Ed can’t really see that one, he doesn’t mind it that much.) Plus, his naked leg and even his automail look great in it. 

The skirt falls to mid thigh, which should look indecent, but through some kind of divine intervention, no matter how he moves in it, his ass or crotch are never exposed – unlike when he wears his regular leather pants, where his ass is always on display, which brings Ed back to how people have taken to staring at it ever since he turned sixteen.

“Because you’re legal to ogle now,” Mustang had said, and proceeded to do more ogling. The fact that Ed’s still Mustang’s subordinate and therefore shouldn’t be ogled no matter how old he is seemed to escape him.

Ed doesn’t mind, though, because when Mustang’s decked out in his blue skirt and skin tight white bodice, Ed can’t really stop staring either. There’s just something about the way the fabric clings to his pecs and abs that gives Ed indecent ideas. (Plus, Mustang’s chest is wide enough that there’s still enough chest on display despite the blue bow covering it.)

So, yeah, Mustang’s uniform looks amazing on him, and it makes Ed think about getting Mustang naked, which, at the very least, gives him enough fuel for wank fantasies.

With a final _whoosh_ , the transformation is complete and Ed floats back to the ground. As ever, his opponent is staring open-mouthed at him, and yeah, okay, that is another advantage of the outfit. Anyone watching the transformation the first couple of times is so stunned by the whole process that they don’t even consider running away or attacking, even though it takes Ed almost a minute to turn into the Fullmetal Alchemist.

“Oi,” Ed shouts and raises his arms above his head. “Hold it right there, pal. You think you can just come here and exploit hardworking people for your nefarious plans? I won’t let you do that!”

While giving his little speech – and he has no idea where the words for that actually come from because he definitely didn't plan to say anything – he moves his arms to describe a transmutation circle for a simple earth transmutation.

“I’m the Beautiful Soldier Fullmetal Alchemist,” Ed says, long since resigned to the ridiculous title. He goes into a partial crouch, one leg bent, the other extended, and moves his arms until the palms of his hands are almost touching in front of him.

“In the name of Nicholas Flamel, I’ll kick your sorry ass!”

His right glove shreds to pieces when Ed transmutes the blade, and that at least jars his opponent out of his daze.

Ed wins the fight in two minutes flat. It wasn’t even much of a challenge. Maybe he should start carrying those knives that Hughes takes everywhere. It would save him having to transform if he could use those instead of his arm. On the other hand, this outfit is growing on him more every time he changes into it. It helps that the uniforms aren't actually that, well, uniform. They might all be wearing the same basic outfit, but everyone's got different colours and accessories. So, yeah, it's not that bad actually. Except for the bow.

Maybe he could try wearing a skirt other times, too. If anyone can start a fashion trend, it would be him. After all, he’s famous for his good taste. And the skirts really do come in handy for split kicks. Maybe that’s why Winry likes wearing them so much...

On the other hand, Mustang wouldn't get to ogle Ed anymore, and Ed kind of feels bad to deprive the man of the only real joy he's got.

Ed shakes his bangs out of his face and grins at Al, giving him a thumbs up. Ed can tell that Al, despite the lack of facial expressions, is probably rolling his eyes at him in return. Ed just shrugs, and smooths down the pleats of his fucking awesome leather skirt.

 _Whatever_ , he thinks. _Al’s just jealous because he can’t wear skirts yet. But soon he’ll have his body back and he can discover for himself how great it is._

With a concealed but all the more regretful sigh, Ed turns back into his regular self. Funnily enough, that takes only a couple of seconds and does not actually require full body nudity. It’s almost as if whoever’s responsible for the whole thing in the first place doesn’t really care how the State Alchemists turn back into their regular selves once they’re done fighting.

Nevermind.

Ed’s already making plans to shop for a skirt to wear when they’re done with this mission, and maybe he can convince Mustang to put on a skirt at the office, too, some time. After all, Flame’s legs look almost as good as Ed’s. Especially in those stiletto boots.


End file.
